8 Items (Minimum), MLA
Tue, April 4
Turned in where?
Blackboard (upload file), Interactive Web (copy and paste), and bring to class (printout) with line numbers added.
For Draft 3.3 revise parts of Draft 3.2 that I have recommended and (maybe) your peers have suggested, expand your Works Cited to at least 8 items in MLA Works Cited format, and increase the draft to 1200 words.
Draft 3.1 was a “brainstorming draft”, and Draft 3.2 was a “structuring draft” for which I recommended a “problem/causes/solution” pattern of organization. Draft 3.3 is the final draft in your third essay cycle (Essay Cycle 3) and should be a “clean copy” draft. (Please read the criteria for the clean-copy draft in that link.)
The main thing you should do for this Draft 3.3 is to read your draft out loud before you turn it in. Student writers tend to make sloppy errors and produce very awkward text that they would normally fix easily if they caught the awkward parts, but their eyes miss them. But their ears — your ears — will catch the awkward parts almost every time.
This third essay cycle does NOT create a complete description of your issue, but only provides a description of the current poliics or stakeholders of your semester issue. For this essay cycle, you are focusing on who the stakeholders of an issue are (often politicians, but not necessarily so) and why they believe what they do. I have chosen these issues because they are considered troubling issues with much controversy in our world today, so you should have no trouble finding information in our library’s database.
Here’s some advice:
When describing an “increase” of anything, give statistics and corresponding details: who, what, where, when, and why. Better still, make a chart showing the increase over time.
Specific details are always better than vague generalities.
Always identify the expertise (credentials) of the people you cite.
When comparing two of anything — populations, countries, dates in time, diseases, whatever — give specific statistics: better, make a chart so that the reader can “see” the comparison.
When discussing specific laws, give the name and specific background information: who, what, where, when, and why.
I WILL BE PLACING A STRONG EMPHASIS ON CORRECT MLA IN-TEXT AND WORKS CITED FORMATTING.
Remember my advice on first paragraphs!
Every first paragraph should
Have an engaging and intriguing first sentence.
Provide important establishing information (who, what, where, when).
Contain a thesis statement that tells the reader what your MAIN POINT will be.
Contain a foreshadowing of the most important finding in your draft.
Important assertions should be defended by expert testimony.
Be free of any of the 10 targeted errors!
This is the critic fromthe professor.
I evaluate draft 3.2 on how well it establishes stakeholders in your issue, both sides (or three â€” could be) and how well it follows a POINTS and Particulars organization and builds a clear structure of exposition. I may have highlighted or commented on your text, so be sure to look at it in Blackboard.
The most important sentence is your first sentence, and the most important paragraph is your first paragraph. You want to avoid what I call â€œfluffâ€ in that first sentence, which is a general, philosophical, open-ended comment that neither startles the reader nor provides the reader new information. You want to make the reader think that he or she is going to read something unusual and informing in the rest of the document, and a weak first sentence in a weak first paragraph doesnâ€™t do that. In addition, you want to tell the reader â€œwhat/why,â€ or what it is youâ€™re going to be writing about and why you are writing it. Your first sentence is, I’m afraid, quite bland and does not tell the college-educated reader anything that he or she does not already know. So, I’m afraid, is your second sentence. your third sentence is also not very informative or engaging. This first paragraph is extremely important, as I say above, and needs to be engaging, provocative, and informative as it tells the reader what is coming up. Using three sentences to explain that abortion is a difficult issue in America does not contribute much for college-educated reader.
Frankly, I would completely rewrite this first paragraph. In this essay cycle three, you want to convey the idea that there are responsible people on both sides of this extremely important issue, but to do that you must provide information and â€“ data â€“ that emphasizes the magnitude of the problem. this first paragraph simply states clichÃ©s about how people feel about abortion.
For this class, I strongly encourage students to use quotations and not summary or paraphrase when they use sourced research. Quotations are much more easily tracked down and validated than is summary or paraphrase. Later on in your academic career, your teachers will want you to use intelligent summary and paraphrase, but for this class I would much prefer quotations.
If you can’t come up with a better first paragraph, I would suggest you start with the second paragraph, which has its own problems but is much stronger and is much more engaging than your first paragraph. As you can tell, I take these initial entries into a draft very seriously, and much more so in your draft 3.3.
You do not need ellipses (the three dots) before or after a quotation, but only in the middle if you have eliminated part of the quote.
Too much of this draft concerns background and history, which was the focus of your essay cycle one and should not be the focus of this essay cycle. We already have the background and the history: what we need are the stakeholders who are supporting either side of this intentions issue. Providing more facts and details about abortion and who lives and who dies is not the focus of this essay cycle. Why are people against abortion, and why are people for abortion, and who are these people? This should not be a very difficult task since those for and against abortion are very clear in their statements and their reasons.
You mentioned the “right to life movement,” but who supports this, specifically? You mention the choice movement, but who specifically supports this? The whole concept behind essay cycle three is that you cannot fully understand the magnitude of the struggle behind this very contentious issue if you do not understand the groups and people who are fighting it out legally and in the media. Be as specific as you can when you describe who is on what side and for what reason. I would advise that you use the library’s databases, most specifically academic search complete, to provide the best and firmest information on the subject
Your works cited is incorrect. The problem may be in the title, in the line spacing (should be double spacing throughout), and the hanging indentation, and what you are putting in quotation marks and italicizing, or with the lack of terminal punctuation, or with the lack of alphabetizing. Please figure out what is wrong and amend accordingly. So you have serious problems with this Works cited and I’m not going to list those problems. Please look at your handbook or the Purdue owl to see how a works cited should be properly handled. I will include a video that explains the most important elements of an academic work cited.http://fredkemp.com/kempclass/assign/showvideo.inc.php?fn=33
Attached is 3.2 just add 400 words and correct what the professor said.
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